I always thought I had to choose, it was either going to be family life or going full steam ahead career-wise and truth be told I never really chose. I flip-flopped between the two, giving neither my full attention. There was so much pressure to get married and have kids that I ended up following the path I thought 30 should look like and then boom, my daughter Hannah was born and everything changed.
If I could go back and tell me younger self anything, it would be, embrace your ambitions girl, love yourself first by committing to your goals and growth and love will find you. The only expectations you should be setting and achieving are the one’s you set for yourself. It’s 2020 and women are still being pressurised into what society thinks a woman should do, either through advertising or through the patriarchal system that still exists but countless mothers have proven you can be a mom while following your dreams.
It’s the only way to have to true fulfilment. When we don’t express and accept every part of our being we cant walk in wholeness. You are a woman before being a mother, you are a woman before being a wife. These goals and desires don’t disappear because we take on other roles. The one role we seem to take on so well is that of caretaker but we seem to take care of everyone else except us. It can seem overwhelming to take on more but give yourself a break. You don’t have to have it all immediately, it’s not all or nothing. It’s about giving yourself permission and understanding that the power lies within you.
When you have the courage and start to apply the effort it requires to follow your dreams, you teach your kids to do the same. It is often said that kids don’t do what we say but do what we do and if they learning by our actions, we want to make sure we instil the right values in them. Sometimes in an attempt to create a completely different environment for our kids then the one we grew up in, we end up subconsciously recreating the same life. If you come from a family that easily dismisses your dreams and just so you know that’s not okay on any level, do you find that you have subconsciously settled for less then you desire in life and you are subconsciously teaching your kids to do the same through your actions. If we want to break generational chains, it is going to require us to be intentional and bold about our choices.
How you choose to pursue those dreams will look different for every mom so don’t compare and don’t feel guilty. There seems to a narrative that you need to sacrifice everything for your kids and these narratives are sometimes pushed by other women so you end up feeling guilty for doing anything self- serving even when you know that a happier you ultimately results in a happier home and a happier mom.